quick updatez



So I've been back at school for two days and this is how it's been so far.

I didn't go to service on Tuesday because, being the Asian that I am (despite not being in Math HL... whoops), I participated in a math contest.

 

Yeah. Those are my brothers.

Just kidding. I wish they were my brothers, hahahahaha. But not really.

Let's see... what did I do on Monday? I think I had Biology, English, French, and Math. We're not doing too much in any of those classes, but I really like how much experience all of my teachers have with the IB. In the end, what we learn in 2 years is going to be put in the exam, and it's always useful to know exactly how the test is structured and the criteria against which you will be tested so that you know what's coming, and you know how to CONQUER THIS EXAM.



Can I just say how much I absolutely adore this meme.

I've also picked up piano. Well, picked it back up. I stopped in 5th grade or something I think, and a couple of days ago I realized that I had a lot of time on my hands since I came to AC, so I'm going to start using it *wisely* (i.e. procrastinate by piano-ing.) But honestly I've been pretty productive the past few.. well, the past few weeks/the past 2 months ish. I've been getting my work done, studying, reviewing, everything.

This morning, I went to meditation at Asbjorn's (Physics teacher I think) house. It was kind of hard to get up but it was really nice to just have breakfast with four other people... even if it was in silence :( I like having a conversation about the food I'm eating as I'm eating the food. It makes me slow down and really appreciate the food I'm eating, and it also helps me distinguish whether or not I really like a food.

I'll probably update a bit later as well. Toodles for now ;)

a cure for homesickness

You know, I always thought homesickness was for wimps and wusses and stuff. I had a friend who went to boarding school for a semester, then returned. We made fun of her every time we mentioned her in conversations.

But now I know — first-hand — what it’s like to go to boarding school. Where you don’t feel like anybody is there for you to lean on. And that’s kind of true. I don’t have anybody solid to lean on. Everything’s up in the air and I absolutely hate it.

On Friday, I was so upset that I had to go back to AC. While I was waiting for the coach, after Yvonne had left, I began tearing up. Once I was on the bus and I started listening to some music, I was crying. I didn’t want to go back to AC, and honestly, I still kind of don’t want to be here. I just realized today that there was no more way for me to numb myself from my emotions. My second-year, Holly (who has witnessed me sobbing way too many times to count) once said that before construction, there must be destruction. If I think about it, I’d spent fifteen years of my life on this… building. In all honesty I wasn’t very satisfied with how the building had turned out. It’s kind of like making a clay sculpture, or painting something. I had already scribbled all across the canvas and the canvas is kind of full… so now I need to learn how to strip things away slowly so that I can start anew and create a personality, a person that I can actually like.

First I got rid of my physical activity. I know that sounds horrible, but that was a coping mechanism for me. I used it to cover my emotions, to numb myself. Then it was food. I’m slowly getting rid of that. That’s no longer going to be a coping mechanism for me either. I just need to find some way to change my emotions — change what’s fundamentally causing me pain, causing me to feel terrible, in order to shift my entire attitude. Apparently, for me, the fake-it-til-you-make-it method doesn’t work.

 At all.

I’m learning. I’m struggling a lot, but I’m learning.

I woke up at 7:00 this morning to take the SAT subject test. I got back at around 10:30 then I diddle-dawdled for a while, and I ate lunch at 12:40ish. Then I went on Skype and Skyped one of my friends from back home, Lenny (nickname for Helen). I was crying and she was so supportive and she was giving me great ideas for things to do here. I think that’ll be useful later, but my main priority is looking inside myself and figuring out the missing link that prevents this place from being a place in which I feel comfortable.

Then I had a sob fest for half an hour and Holly was there to comfort me.

Then I slept for two hours.

Then I went on the computer for a bit.

Followed by going to different houses looking for someone to borrow money from so I could get the fruits I ordered from the Food Co-op from Christine.

Then I got the money from Yiran in Morgannwg, so then I went to Christine’s house and got my fruit and ate a bunch of fruit.

Then I started doing English homework.

After which I watched Mean Girls with Holly.

Then I was on the computer again… what a great day. Not really.

Sorry for such a depressing post. I’m thinking that I should really start to post more posts about food or something because apparently people really like looking at that kind of stuff.